Steps to Success

One of the most powerful determinants of how we live our lives and the quality of our lives is Discounting. Discounting is defined as 'an internal mechanism, which involves a person ignoring or minimising some aspect of self, others, or the reality situation' (Schiff et Al, 1975). We all do it, and we can think of these areas as blind spots - we can't see them, and so are not aware of them. They may be obvious to others which is why things like counselling, psychotherapy and coaching can be really useful. Others can help us see our blind spots if we let them.

Is your life how you want it to be?

Think of the different areas of your life and score them out of 10. How happy are you in each area, be really honest with yourself

1.       Friendships

2.       Love

3.       Work

4.       Your financial situation

5.       Your self esteem

Then ask yourself - How many years have I felt like this?

'If you keep doing what you've always done, you will keep getting what you've always got' W.L. Bateman

In Transactional Analysis we talk about Discounting as way in which we keep ourselves in the same place. Human beings generally don't like change, we like familiarity. However sometimes people pay a very high price for familiarity - if their situations are not nourishing and life enhancing. New beliefs, situations and life styles can become familiar and comfortable if we let them. For example, if you are someone who does not have/ has not had a fulfilling love life; it may be uncomfortable at first to allow yourself a good relationship. It sounds strange - as it may be something you really want in your life - but often we unconsciously stop ourselves from achieving things to keep our lives familiar and comfortable.

A useful model we can use is the Steps to Success developed by Julie Hay (1995). This is a set of different steps illustrating the points at which we can begin to discount.

Steps to Success

Situation - Discounting at this level, means that the person is unaware that there is even a situation that could be a problem. They may believe that they are happy even if they are not.

Significance - At this level the person is aware that there is some sort of situation but doesn't believe that this is a problem. An example might be 'I am not happy but happiness is not that important'.

Solutions - Here the person is aware that there is a problem but does not know there are any solutions that could resolve the problem. This person might believe - I am not happy -, I would really like to be - but this is how things are. Nothing can be done.

Skills - Discounting one's skills means that whilst the person is aware that the problem can be resolved, they feel unable to resolve it themselves. At this level a person might think - I want to be happy but I can't because of my job, children, partner, depressive tendencies, I don't know how to be, I feel guilty etc. I just can't do it. This level often brings to mind the Richard Bach quote 'Argue for your limitation and sure enough they will be yours'

Strategy - Once the person is aware they have the skills to deal with a problem, they may still do nothing about it by opting not to develop a strategy to improve the situation. This level might involve someone saying 'and one day I will be happy' but not actually taking any action to get there.

Success - This could be either having a strategy and not putting it into action, or carrying out the strategy and not recognising what has been achieved. Discounting at the success level, could be someone getting what they want and then rubbishing it 'oh it's not really what I want' or not actually allowing themselves to grasp happiness they want.

Discounting can be seriously detrimental to our health - both physical and psychological. It takes courage to face the things that we discount - to know that generally we can have what we want, be who we want to be, feel good about ourselves. We can achieve quality, contentment and richness in our lives. We can contribute to the happiness and wellbeing of those around us and be happy. Of course shit happens sometimes, we cannot control everything, but if your scores at the beginning of this piece are not what you want them to be - I suggest you think about what you are discounting.

By Leilani Mitchell

These are my random ramblings today; tomorrow I might change my mind.