Welcome to part three in our Understanding Relationships series, we’re looking at positive intention in this post. When we get into tricky dynamics we need to be gentle with ourselves and others and really take time to listen, to hear and be open to understanding someone else’s point of view. It is not always easy as we tend to stay wedded quite rigidly in our way of seeing things.
I like to presume positive intent. We won’t know what the reality is (if indeed there IS one reality) – stay curious about how come someone has done and said something and remember – don’t believe everything you think! Human beings create narratives and make meaning of things and call it a reality – that does not mean that it is a reality
Being willing to give people positive intention if it genuine and you feel resourced enough. To give it freely is a way of oiling the wheels of good relationships. However, be careful only to do this when it is genuine, and you are willing to give it.
We can get into enmeshed relationships with people that are not healthy or good for us. When we are in these relationships we don’t set clear boundaries and go along with what others want, adapting to others in the way we think they want us to be. This can be very draining and make for unhealthy relationships. Be clear about your boundaries and what is and isn’t acceptable to you in the relationship. With clear boundaries, it is much easier to have loving, empathic and supportive relationships
We all have a range of relationships but the ones that are usually most nourishing to us are the ones where we have emotional intimacy, those relationships where we truly allow ourselves to be ourselves and to have open-hearted communication with others. Relationships where we allow ourselves to express our vulnerability and show people who you really are and what is going on for us and welcoming others in their imperfections. This can often feel risky to us but the benefits to ours and others wellbeing are worth it
You cannot make a good relationship single handily – you can only do 50% – however, 50% is a lot! Much of the time you can choose who to spend your time with and if relationships constantly deplete you its ok to end them.
Be real, risk being yourself and being honest, reach out, have the courage to show the world your true self and your vulnerability. This also is a good model for others and gives a permission at a psychological level – Its ok to be you!
We hope you’ve enjoyed and gained insight from this short blog series if you have anything you’d like to discuss, feel free to contact one of our team.